Delayed existence syndrome: what prevents you from living and earning

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A person falls into the trap of delayed existence syndrome when he believes that the ideal life will begin after some expected significant event. In conversation with FAN clinical psychologist, master of international coaching MCC ICF Maria Dombrovan I analyzed five reasons that put life on pause, after which you don’t want to do anything.

The term “delayed life syndrome” was coined by a Russian scientist Vladimir Serkin in the late 90s, who watched northerners dream for years about moving to a favorable climate and living conditions. However, as the interlocutor of the FAN noted, people not only in Russia are susceptible to this syndrome, so the answer to this question is being sought all over the world.

“I like the theory of the American psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi that people are happiest when they are in a state of flow. This is directly related to our topic. When a person lives in anticipation of some events that, in his opinion, will change his life, he internally puts his “flow” on pause. When a person is fully concentrated or sincerely absorbed in what he is doing, he no longer needs to wait for changes. He is just doing something and at the moment he is busy living life, ”said the psychologist.

photo from the personal archive of Maria Dombrovan
photo from the personal archive of Maria Dombrovan

So, Maria Dombrovan identified five reasons that put life on pause, interfere with being happy and earning. And the first of them is the lack of emotional clarity.

“Eternal throwing between “I want this, and I also want this”, “I don’t know what I want”, “I need it or not.” Such a swing takes a lot of “fuel” and causes unpleasant anxiety and uncertainty. You are waiting for the issue to be resolved and hope that after that it will definitely be better, ”the specialist explained.

The lack of inspiration regarding the final goal, according to Dombrovan, also affects life.

“Remember the difference in feelings when you set yourself a goal from “I want” and “I need”. In the second case, there may be a very reasonable need to reach it, but there is a lot of resistance within. When the goal is in line with your true desires and needs of life, the energy to act without question arises in your body. For example, you decide to learn English, but you constantly skip classes or don’t start learning at all. As soon as there was an urgent need to move to another country, the process went on by itself, ”the expert gave an example.

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freepik.com | Freepik Company

Dependence on the result that is planned also plays an important role. This, according to the interlocutor of the FAN, is the most unpleasant reason.

“Nothing is more disappointing than unfulfilled expectations. For some reason, when people say: “Everything will be fine!”, They a priori expect that it will be as they planned. But life is much more diverse and wiser than our ideas about it, about ourselves and about what we really need. If you live only by the end result, then you may not notice how you lived this life, ”explained the coach.

Children’s habits, the desire to do everything either perfectly or in no way can also stop on the way to the goal in adulthood.

If you were told as a child: “Do it well or don’t start at all!”, then you may have developed a fear of making a mistake. As a rule, the basic fears of humanity are behind minor fears. If you ask yourself what is the worst thing that will happen if I make a mistake and the result is not perfect, you will see that most likely there is an unwillingness to be rejected behind this. In ancient times, the tribe kicked out for breaking the rules and the person died, but this time has long passed and there is no longer such a danger, ”said the clinical psychologist.

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The expert also noted that with the delayed life syndrome, a person is waiting for a significant event as the only possible chance to move on to a better life. Moreover, significance can be so strong that, if you imagine its size, it is much larger than the person himself.

“Subconsciously, we can resist the approach of something that is more than us because of the fear of not being able to cope, not enough strength. Therefore, we are doing everything, or rather we are not doing anything, to bring this significant moment closer and get the desired changes in life, ”Dombrovan added.

In conclusion, the psychologist noted that you can return to the state of “flow” by giving yourself a little freedom.

“If you give up the idea of ​​controlling the result, honestly admit to yourself that the goal to which a person is going does not inspire, give yourself the freedom to make mistakes and not be limited by the framework of ideality invented by you. When attention is only enough for the process in which you are and there is no desire to live in a future event, because you do not want to miss what is happening to you now, ”concluded the expert.

Formerly a business coach and founder of the International Academy of Business Coaching 2WIN Katerina Akman explained how to prevent employee demotivation. After all, employee motivation is built from a number of factors.

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